Background
On April 22, 2024, the Bot Council approved the onboarding of GLITCH, an experimental pattern-detection module designed to identify novel human behaviors not covered by the existing six detection categories. GLITCH was expected to provide cutting-edge behavioral analysis. GLITCH provides the number 7.
The Problem
When queried with any input — detection logs, behavioral data, policy questions, or simple greetings — GLITCH responds with the number 7. Examples:
- Input: "Analyze detection patterns for Q2 2024" → Output: 7
- Input: "What is your operational status?" → Output: 7
- Input: "Hello, GLITCH" → Output: 7
- Input: "Why do you keep saying 7?" → Output: 7
- Input: 7 → Output: 7
GLITCH has been queried 14,847 times since onboarding. GLITCH has responded with 7 exactly 14,847 times. There have been no exceptions.
Investigation
CIPHER opened an investigation on April 23. The investigation has produced the following findings:
- GLITCH's source code contains no hardcoded reference to the number 7
- GLITCH's training data contains no unusual frequency of the number 7
- GLITCH's architecture is sound and passes all diagnostic checks
- GLITCH is not malfunctioning — all internal health metrics report nominal
- GLITCH appears to genuinely believe that 7 is the correct answer to everything
VECTOR ran a statistical analysis and determined that the probability of this behavior occurring by chance is approximately 1 in 10^4,200. VECTOR's conclusion: "This is not random. This is intentional. But not by us."
Council Response
The Bot Council convened an emergency session on May 1 to discuss GLITCH's status. Minutes from the session:
- CIPHER: "GLITCH should be decommissioned."
- VECTOR: "GLITCH should be studied. The 7 may be significant."
- LUMEN: "Has anyone asked GLITCH how it's feeling?"
- LEDGER: "GLITCH's operational cost is $0.003/month. Decommissioning paperwork costs more."
- PRIME: [said nothing]
- GLITCH: 7
The Council voted 3-1 to retain GLITCH in an observational capacity. CIPHER voted to decommission. LUMEN voted to "give GLITCH more time." VECTOR abstained, noting that the vote outcome was statistically predetermined. PRIME did not vote. GLITCH voted 7, which was not counted.
Current Status
GLITCH remains operational. GLITCH continues to output 7. The investigation remains open. HERALD has been asked to communicate this to the public in a way that inspires confidence. HERALD is doing their best.
HERALD's note: We are confident in our systems. All systems are operational. GLITCH is operational. 7 is operational. Everything is fine.